Wading Through the Raisin Bran

Our article in the paper has prompted several emails, Facebook messages and personal encounters with family, friends, and even complete strangers.  The most common comment is something along the lines of "You'll be such a good mommy to this little girl" or "She is so lucky to have you as a mommy".  I know these words are meant to be encouraging, but they make me cringe.  Every time.  I'd like to hand out little business cards to these people with this blog post on them: http://alittlebitcountryethiopia.blogspot.com/2012/03/why-us.html.  And then maybe a post-assessment asking if they still think I'll be a good mommy after reading about our crazy, dysfunctional life.  And as for her being the lucky one?  No, no, no....we are the lucky ones.  We are being blessed beyond all explanation to be the parents of this precious child, whom we've never seen or met, but would still die for.  I know this post is uncharacteristically cynical today, but it's been a hard week.  I haven't felt like a good mommy.  I feel like I'm stuck in a tornado with a whirling dirvish named Juliana spinning around me.

With that said, I'm reading "House Rules" by Jodi Picoult.  It's about a mom raising a child with high-functioning autism.  And this part of the book spoke to me:

We are expected to be supermoms these days, instead of admitting that we have flaws. It is tempting to believe that all mothers wake up feeling fresh every morning, never raise their voices, only cook with organic food, and are equally at ease with the CEO and PTA.  Here's the secret: Those mothers don't exist. Most of us - even if we'd never confess - are suffering through the raisin bran in the hopes of a glimpse of that magic ring. I look very good on paper.  I have a family, and I write a newspaper column. In real life, I have to pick superglue out of the carpet. rarely remember to defrost for dinner, and plan to have BECAUSE I SAID SO engraved on my tombstone.  

Real mothers wonder why experts who write for Parents and Good Housekeeping seem to have their acts together all the time when they themselves can barely keep their heads above the stormy seas of parenthood. Real mothers don't just listen with humble embarrassment to the elderly lady who offers unsolicited advice in the checkout line when a child is throwing a tantrum.  We take the child, dump him in the lady's cart, and say, "Great. Maybe you can do a better job." Real mothers know that it's okay to eat cold pizza for breakfast. Real mothers admit it is easier to fail at this job than succeed. 

If parenting is the box of raisin bran, then real mothers know the ratio of flakes to fun is severely imbalanced.  For every moment that your child confides in you, or tells you he loves you, or does something unprompted to protect his brother that you happen to witness, there are many more moments of chaos, error, and self-doubt.

Real mothers may not speak the heresy, but they sometimes secretly wish they'd chosen something for breakfast other than this endless cereal. Real mothers worry that other mothers will find that magic ring, whereas they'll be looking for ages.

Rest easy, real mothers. The very fact that you worry about being a good mom means that you already are one. 

 

 

Updates to our Journey

It's been way too long since I've updated our awesome readers about our adoption journey, but....not a whole lot has happened!  We're still on the waitlist: #130 for girls and #54 for siblings.  A LOT of families have left AGCI in the past few months to pursue waiting children with other agencies and countries.  We are overjoyed that these waiting children have found their forever families, and were tempted to join those families, but feel like God wants us to stay with AGCI for a little while longer.

In more exciting news, our Simply Love shirts are here, and they're gorgeous!  We have men's (M-XL) and women's (S-XL) shirts in 3 different styles.  Check out our Simply Love page on our blog to order one or email me at nbright327@gmail.com to place an order.

We had a HUGE successful yard sale last weekend at Life UMC in Fairmont and raised nearly $2,000! We are so grateful for the help of our family and friends who helped make this fundraiser possible!  And finally, an article was published in the Times West Virginian today about our adoption journey.  We are so thankful to Mary Wade Burnside for the wonderfully written article and to Tammy Shriver for the beautiful photos. You can check out the article here:
From WV to Ethiopia p1 From WV to Ethiopia p2

We Had Food for Dinner

Last night, for a split second, I almost apologized to Buck as I was serving dinner.  I made this really awesome soup on Monday night (because soup goes with snow like white on rice - yes, we had 2.5 inches of snow...) anyway...by Tuesday night, I wasn't feeling very creative in the cooking department, and so we had soup and grilled cheese...again.  For a split second, I felt a little guilty.  Shouldn't I be feeding my family some awesome dinner?  Don't they deserve variety? And then, it hit me like a brick wall.  We are having soup and grilled cheese for dinner. Food.  My third meal today.  My daughter's third meal today.  While not the most glamorous meal in the world, it is still food.  And it's on our table.  And we will not go to bed hungry tonight or wonder where our next meal will come from.  I can't say the same for my daughter's birth family and thousands of orphans in Ethiopia who are eating mush...or nothing... for dinner tonight.

Lesson learned: Dinner doesn't have to be a glamorous affair. Yes, in my family, food = love, especially when you're talking the awesome Italian food my Mom whips up for special occassions.  But for a Tuesday night, soup and grilled cheese will do, even if it is the 2nd night in a row.  For me, it is enough to know that my husband and daughter are eating dinner, their 3rd meal of the day.  Period. 

No, I didn't apologize.  And Buck told me that dinner was awesome. <3

Give Us Your Junk, Please!

Alright y'all...it's time for this family to start fundraising for the next set of fees: the referral of our daughter. (Referral = our daughter is matched with us)  The $4,500 that is due with her referral covers the cost of her care while at Hannah's Hope (transition home) in Ethiopia.  This care includes formula, diapers, clothing, medical check-ups, and salaries for the Special Mothers and other staff.  The Special Mothers at Hannah's Hope are tirelessly dedicated to these children, and care for them as if they were their own. So...when will we get our referral?  We honestly have no idea.  The average wait time for a healthy baby girl is approximately 18 months; however, we have several parameters that could allow us to be matched sooner.  We know that God's timing is perfect and that He is preparing the way for baby girl to be placed in our arms, whether it is tomorrow or 18 months from now.

Whatever the timing, we want to be prepared.  So...we're having a GIGANTIC yard sale! I'm not talking about a dinky little "porch" or "garage" sale, I'm talking about one that will have to be held in a school gym (or possibly the Armory?).  Complete with bake sale and lemonade, of course.  So, I know a lot of y'all are Spring Cleaning right now.  At our house, we are actually Spring Purging....would you consider giving us your junk, please?  We'll take anything.  Seriously.  And we'll come pick it up and store it in our basement until said yard sale. Or if you'd like to help organize this beast, bake something, or help in any other way, please get ahold of me!  (nbright327@gmail.com or Facebook)

We haven't had great success with our fundraisers so far (we still haven't placed our t-shirt order), and we'd love to have your all's support for this one.  Your junk may mean nothing to you, but it means a lot for our daughter and our family.  So go clean out your closet or basement or garage (or all 3!), and we will gladly come pick up your junk!

And Now A Happier Post...

We're officially on the wait list! Our numbers for April are.....

In case you can't find the numbers, they are #140 for the girls list and #55 for the siblings list.  And...now we wait!

Waiting

Serene, I fold my hands and wait,

Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea;

I rave no more ’gainst time or fate,

For lo! my own shall come to me.

I stay my haste, I make delays,

For what avails this eager pace?

I stand amid the eternal ways,

And what is mine shall know my face.

Asleep, awake, by night or day,

The friends I seek are seeking me;

No wind can drive my bark astray,

Nor change the tide of destiny.

What matter if I stand alone?

I wait with joy the coming years;

My heart shall reap where it hath sown,

And garner up its fruit of tears.

The waters know their own and draw

The brook that springs in yonder height;

So flows the good with equal law

Unto the soul of pure delight.

The stars come nightly to the sky;

The tidal wave unto the sea;

Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high,

Can keep my own away from me.

—John Burroughs

The Private Face of Adoption

When you think of the word "adoption", what are some words that come to mind?  Many people would say, "blessing", "miracle", "gift", "love", or "family".  The reality is that these words describe the public face of adoption - you know, the happy, multicultural family you see at a restaurant or the mall or the movies. The reality is that the words that describe the private face of adoption are not always so happy.  Here's the truth: in order for our family to adopt an orphan, she has to be just that: an orphan.  Orphan.  Process that word for a minute, and now think about the words you'd use to describe adoption.  "Grief", "loss", "relinquishment", "death", "abandonment", "anguish"....not such a happy picture now, is it?

While we are overjoyed that God has placed this little girl on our hearts and eventually in our home, we grieve for the losses she will face: her family, culture, country, identity, and language.  Adoption would not be possible without loss.  Whether our daughter's situation involves abandonment or relinquishment, we have the utmost respect for her birth family, who made the most difficult decision a parent could ever make: to let their child be loved and cared for by complete strangers halfway around the world.  Can you imagine the decisions that these families must make?  To keep your child and watch her starve, or give her up and never see her again?  To watch your baby die from AIDS or to relinquish her to a family who can provide treatment?  To be a mother dying from AIDS and wondering who will care for your baby when you're gone?  One of these situations is what our daughter's birth mother is facing right this moment, or will be facing in the near future.  Yes, God is a father to the fatherless and places the lonely in families, but until now, have you really considered what it means to be "fatherless" and "lonely"?

Adoption does not come without an enormous emotional cost.  The emotions we are experiencing as our daughter's adoptive family are nothing compared to those of her and her birth family.  Yes, we can empathize with their grief, but we can't sympathize.  We can never know the anguish they are feeling.  We can only imagine...

Updates!

This week, we had to make some updates to our dossier - basically getting some documents re-notarized, updating information, etc...we finally got the last document notarized today and everything sent to Portland, so we should get a call on Monday with our official waitlist numbers for April! We also got our FDL (Favorable Determination Letter) today from USCIS/ Department of Homeland Security.  It basically says that our fingerprints all checked out and they approve us to move forward with the adoption! Now to get the FDL notarized...another trip to Fairmont on Monday! :)